The Man Sitting in 8C

I’ve experienced no shortage of social “low points” in my life.   In fact, probably more than my fair share and definitely more than a single blog post can contain.   The majority of these experiences come only at the expense of my superficiality, and wound nothing more than my ego.  However, every now and then, I have a social failure powerful enough to undermine the confidence I have in the type of person I am.  Usually though, my blunders are of the sort that become self-deprecating comedy, as soon as the pain of the moment has passed.

For instance, a recent low point involved a mishap with my dog’s stool sample.  The vet had asked that I bring one in a couple weeks ago, and being the responsible pet owner that I am, I happily obliged.  I gathered the goods into the vial they provided, then put the vial into a plastic bag.  Because I was already juggling my work bag and laptop, I placed the plastic bag on the top of my purse.  Before heading to the vet, I made a necessary stop at my neighborhood Starbucks.  This is where it all went wrong.  During their ever-busy morning rush, while attempting to pay, the vial somehow managed to roll out onto the counter, horrifying employees and customers alike.   There was no disguising what was within this clear plastic tube!   Heh… whoops.

Another low point that comes to mind was a couple months ago, when I tripped over a sleeping homeless man while walking down the sidewalk because I was texting and not paying attention.   Had my foot not literally been snagged on the 10 or so inches of sleeping bag that were hanging out of the entry way to the school, I would not have even known there was a person there.    Talk about no social awareness.  Not only did my scraped hands and chipped phone feel the folly of that pathetic moment, but I’m pretty sure the sleeping man felt it as well.

One of my favorite charting topping “holy hell I’m a train wreck” stories was several years ago when I was volunteering in Sri Lanka after the Indian Ocean Tsunami.  The accommodations were primitive, so when I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I grabbed a flashlight and navigated a maze of sleeping bodies and cots. Once inside the makeshift bathroom, I assumed a gold medal worthy gymnast stance and strategically held the flashlight in my armpit while I hovered over the hole in the ground.  At some point, apparently I shifted slightly, because the light illuminating from the flashlight moved from directly in front of my face to the corner of the wooden stall.   Within half a second I went from proudly holding my impeccable yet awkward pee pose, to instant terror. Less than 18 inches from my vulnerable body was a giant Sri Lankan spider (I dare you to Google “Spiders in Sri Lanka” I DARE YOU).  The light reflecting on this heinous creature’s no-doubt-steroid-ridden body was enough to cause my heart to explode through my chest, mouth, and ass all at once. The size and proximity of this bloodthirsty monster terrified me to my core. I swear to this day I aged 10 years in those 10 seconds.   In a panic, I jostled sideways towards the door.  Unfortunately I was still mid “relief” and ended up peeing all over my legs and feet while fleeing for my life.    Emotionally defeated by a lifelong foe, and now covered in my own urine I went back to bed.  This was a low point.  I must add it was probably a low point for unknowing Brecke, my dear friend, who has no idea she was sharing a cot with my freshly sprinkled legs.
 

Incidents like these require little recovery time. However, I also have committed blunders of a different sort. These mishaps cause me to shudder deep within and experience a shame that is hard to shake… 

Like when I boarded my Virgin America flight at LAX this week.    I was off to a bad start, already evidencing a lapse in judgment by booking this flight in the first place. 99% of the time, I fly partner airlines within my mileage plan. I do so not only because I’m a mileage whore, but also because it is addicting to receive complimentary first class upgrades, and the ensuing priority treatment and the bottomless booze that comes with MVP Gold status.  So, nothing against Virgin America (they are probably one of the more classy acts in town), but once coach and the travel woes of the common man have become a part of your distant past, it is really hard to go back.  Despite the protesting of my ambitions to be treated like a wannabe rock-star, I couldn’t pass up the insanely cheap flight Virgin was offering.  

So there I am… walking my half-awake body down the aisle of the Airbus A320. In full early-morning exhaustion, I reluctantly plod into the “economy experience” and reach my row.   My seat assignment would park me in seat 8A, which is a window (a bad omen already… my claustrophobic need to flee, strongly prefers the aisle).   The guy occupying the coveted aisle seat was busy playing a video game.  I politely smiled and said, “Excuse me.” He briefly looked up and went back to his game, saying, “Hang on- can’t pause my game now.”  Huh?? Well that is interesting, I thought to myself. As the passengers boarding behind me were starting to pile up, I studied his face while he continued play, obviously oblivious. I deduced that there might be too much crazy under the surface of this socially inept gamer for me to tangle with pre-coffee.    Once he got around to pausing his game and put his tray table up, he scooted his legs to the side and said, “Just climb over me”.   I snickered to myself, confident that I had accurately assessed him in my two minute snap judgment, and decided that maybe I did want to have a “Come-to-Jesus” meeting with this 30-something year old.   However, since there were children present and I was feeling poised and diplomatic, I replied with a syrupy sweet, “I would prefer to not climb over you in my dress, sir.”  Without even looking up he pressed his body into the chair to allow the most room possible.  Seemingly pleased with his own problem solving skills, he said, “You’re small, you can fit.” Normally I’m not one to cave. Obstinacy usually only provokes me, but since I was blocking the aisle and holding up all the other passengers, I decided to acquiesce and squeezed/tumbled into my seat.  The audacity of his behavior was only heightened when he immediately started playing his video game again.

In due time the flight proceeds, after landing I ensured all my belongings were ready, so I could get off the plane as quickly as possible because I had a work meeting to make.   What should have only taken moments considering I was in row 8, was taking way longer than necessary because Mr. 8C decided he would just sit there and let every row behind us deplane first while he played his game!!  This was ridiculous!   After several rows behind had passed, I kindly asked if I could get by.  As he exhaled a disapproving sigh, he slowly scooted out of his seat and crossed over into the seat across the aisle.  Instantly my heart sank, there was definitely something wrong with this man’s legs.   He grabbed his legs one by one and pulled them in front of himself and resumed playing his video game.  I thanked him and slowly walked off the plane.   Once inside the jet way, I could see a wheelchair that I assumed was awaiting Mr. 8C.    

While I’m thankful I had remained gracious and polite during my interaction with this man, I couldn’t help but feel grossly ashamed for my thoughts and internal attitudes about my dealings with this less-than-friendly individual.    It was a good reminder that yes, sometimes people are difficult because they are just douchebags, but also that other people are difficult because they are dealing with something very valid.

This was definitely a social “near miss” for me. I am confident that I would rather be the girl who grosses out the customers at Starbucks with my dog’s feces, falls on my face, or gets pee all over myself and a friend, than to be someone who does not show social grace to the average weirdo on a plane.   We need to be kind, because we have no idea what obstacles people have battled before they reach the moment when their path crosses ours.

Bored in the USA

When you’re dining alone, you can’t help but eavesdrop on the conversations going on around you.  Well, maybe you can, but I can’t seem to help myself.   But then again, why would I want to?  At times I encounter totally unscripted Oscar worthy social interactions.  Once I even ordered an additional drink and dessert at a taverna in Crete because I was listening to a very “middle school” style breakup between two 40-year-old Brits.   Oh how I love moments like this, when free entertainment presents itself, offering us a glimpse into a world that is not our own.  Truth be told, sometimes you will stumble across a dud, and the conversation is anything but interesting… and you just want to punch the morons in the throat for invading your eardrums with their intellectually-stunted verbal waste.  But usually it is comedic relief and you get to hear who is mad at whom, why someone’s boss/job sucks, what is being blown out of proportion, and who is completely uninteresting. Though I have to say my favorite find is when you hear someone justifying their bad behavior… the road of excuses usually leads somewhere amusing.   Overall, you get a pulse for the mentality of people who are for all intents and purposes complete strangers.  I call this third-hand gossip and equate it to television.  Sometimes I’ll pretend I am plugging away at an Excel spreadsheet or something else seemingly important, when really I am digesting every last word of these conversations and plotting ways to exploit the findings of my voyeurism. Once I even felt compelled to type out a particularly over-the-top conversation like a court reporter- that’s how ridiculous it was. (Hmm… I may have to share this in a future blog someday. Food for thought.)

Recently, while practicing the art of eavesdropping in a Washington D.C. sushi restaurant, my attention was diverted from my tempura roll and lychee martini.  I found myself listening in on a conversation that was a different kind of curiosity piquing.   The two gentlemen sitting at the bar next to me were going through a large stack of index cards.   On this occasion, I was shamelessly watching them, not even pretending to fiddle with my phone or bothering to use some other cover. This clearly being the case, they indulged me and put my inquisitiveness to rest.  They explained that one of them was studying for his citizenship test.  There would only be 10 questions asked, but they could come from any of the 100 questions referenced on these index cards. As I happened to be in earshot, I followed along to see how many of the questions I was able to answer.   I’m slightly embarrassed to say I would fall into the 83rd percentile (not very impressive for someone born and raised in the good ole US of A).   I said a quick thank you prayer that my citizenship was established long before my birth by my grandparents in the 60’s, and that the responsibility wasn’t on me in the year 2013.     If I was saddled with this duty, apparently there is a 17% chance my ass would be deported back to the motherland.    This would complicate things for Riley and I for sure.  

A few days later, I thought it would be entertaining to revisit the questions when I hadn’t just flown across the country and consumed multiple martinis.   My score improved this time, but not significantly.    I would skate by with an A-, the odds would be in my favor, but no guarantees. 

I am comforted by the fact that I have been assured that whether or not I receive a passing grade as a US citizen, my ultimate citizenship is in heaven (For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ  - Philippians 3:20).  But lets be honest… I’m probably not an ideal citizen in either realm. 

Here are the tests questions, let’s see how well you do (keep in mind, I didn't have the answers in front of me)!! 

 

AMERICAN GOVERNMENT

A: Principles of American Democracy

1.     What is the supreme law of the land? 


▪ the Constitution

2.     What does the Constitution do? 


▪ sets up the government
 ▪ defines the government
 ▪ protects basic rights of Americans

3.     The idea of self-government is in the first three words of the Constitution. What are these words?

▪ We the People

4.     What is an amendment? 


▪ a change (to the Constitution) ▪ an addition (to the Constitution)

5.     What do we call the first ten amendments to the Constitution?

▪ the Bill of Rights

6.     What is one right or freedom from the First Amendment? 


▪ speech
▪ religion
▪ assembly
▪ press
▪ petition the government

7.     How many amendments does the Constitution have? 


▪ twenty-seven (27)

8.     What did the Declaration of Independence do? 


▪ announced our independence (from Great Britain) ▪ declared our independence (from Great Britain)
▪ said that the United States is free (from Great Britain)

9.     What are two rights in the Declaration of Independence? 


▪ life
▪ liberty
▪ pursuit of happiness

10.  What is freedom of religion? 


▪ you can practice any religion, or not practice a religion.

11.  What is the economic system in the United States? 


▪ capitalist economy ▪ market economy

12.  What is the “rule of law”? 


▪ Everyone must follow the law. ▪ Leaders must obey the law.
▪ Government must obey the law. ▪ No one is above the law.

B: System of Government

13.  Name one branch or part of the government. 


▪ Congress ▪ legislative ▪ President ▪ executive ▪ the courts ▪ judicial

14.  What stops one branch of government from becoming too powerful?

▪ checks and balances ▪ separation of powers

15.  Who is in charge of the executive branch? 


▪ the President

16.  Who makes federal laws? 


▪ Congress
▪ Senate and House (of Representatives) ▪ (U.S. or national) legislature

17.  What are the two parts of the U.S. Congress? 


▪ the Senate and House (of Representatives)

18.  How many U.S. Senators are there? 


▪ one hundred (100)

19.  We elect a U.S. Senator for how many years? 


▪ six (6)

20.  Who is one of your state’s U.S. Senators now? 


▪ Answers will vary. [District of Columbia residents and residents of U.S. territories should answer that D.C. (or the territory where the applicant lives) has no U.S. Senators.]

21.  The House of Representatives has how many voting members? 


▪ four hundred thirty-five (435)

22.  We elect a U.S. Representative for how many years? 


▪ two (2)

23.  Name your U.S. Representative. 


▪ Answers will vary. [Residents of territories with nonvoting Delegates or Resident Commissioners may provide the name of that Delegate or Commissioner. Also acceptable is any statement that the territory has no (voting) Representatives in Congress.]

24.  Who does a U.S. Senator represent? 


▪ all people of the state

25.  Why do some states have more Representatives than other states? 


▪ (because of) the state’s population
▪ (because) they have more people


▪ (because) some states have more people

26.  We elect a President for how many years? 


▪ four (4)

27.  In what month do we vote for President? 


▪ November

28.  What is the name of the President of the United States now? 


▪ Barack Obama ▪ Obama

29.  What is the name of the Vice President of the United States now? 


▪ Joseph R. Biden, Jr. ▪ Joe Biden
▪ Biden

30.  If the President can no longer serve, who becomes President? 


▪ the Vice President

31.  If both the President and the Vice President can no longer serve, who becomes President? 


▪ the Speaker of the House

32.  Who is the Commander in Chief of the military? 


▪ the President

33.  Who signs bills to become laws? 


▪ the President

34.  Who vetoes bills?

▪ the President

35.  What does the President’s Cabinet do? 


▪ advises the President

36.  What are two Cabinet-level positions? 


▪ Secretary of Agriculture ▪ Secretary of Commerce ▪ Secretary of Defense
▪ Secretary of Education ▪ Secretary of Energy 
▪ Secretary of Health and Human Services
▪ Secretary of Homeland Security
▪ Secretary of Housing and Urban Development ▪ Secretary of the Interior
▪ Secretary of Labor
▪ Secretary of State
▪ Secretary of Transportation
▪ Secretary of the Treasury
▪ Secretary of Veterans Affairs
▪ Attorney General
▪ Vice President

37.  What does the judicial branch do? 


▪ reviews laws
▪ explains laws
▪ resolves disputes (disagreements)
▪ decides if a law goes against the Constitution

38.  What is the highest court in the United States? 


▪ the Supreme Court

39.  How many justices are on the Supreme Court? 


▪ nine (9)

40.  Who is the Chief Justice of the United States now? 


▪ John Roberts (John G. Roberts, Jr.)

41.  Under our Constitution, some powers belong to the federal government. What is one power of the federal government? 


▪ to print money
▪ to declare war
▪ to create an army ▪ to make treaties

42.  Under our Constitution, some powers belong to the states. What is one power of the states? 


▪ provide schooling and education ▪ provide protection (police)
▪ provide safety (fire departments) ▪ give a driver’s license 
▪ approve zoning and land use

43.  Who is the Governor of your state now? 


▪ Answers will vary. [District of Columbia residents should answer that D.C. does not have a Governor.]

44.  What is the capital of your state?

▪ Answers will vary. [District of Columbia residents should answer that D.C. is not a state and does not have a capital. Residents of U.S. territories should name the capital of the territory.]

45.  What are the two major political parties in the United States?

▪ Democratic and Republican

46.  What is the political party of the President now? 


▪ Democratic (Party)

47.  What is the name of the Speaker of the House of Representatives now? 


▪ (John) Boehner

C: Rights and Responsibilities

48.  There are four amendments to the Constitution about who can vote. Describe one of them. 


▪ Citizens eighteen (18) and older (can vote).
▪ You don’t have to pay (a poll tax) to vote.
▪ Any citizen can vote. (Women and men can vote.) ▪ A male citizen of any race (can vote).

49.  What is one responsibility that is only for United States citizens?

▪ serve on a jury
▪ vote in a federal election

50.  Name one right only for United States citizens. 


▪ vote in a federal election ▪ run for federal office

51.  What are two rights of everyone living in the United States? 


▪ freedom of expression
▪ freedom of speech
▪ freedom of assembly
▪ freedom to petition the government ▪ freedom of worship 
▪ the right to bear arms

52.  What do we show loyalty to when we say the Pledge of Allegiance? 


▪ the United States ▪ the flag

53.  What is one promise you make when you become a United States citizen? 


▪ give up loyalty to other countries
▪ defend the Constitution and laws of the United States ▪ obey the laws of the United States
▪ serve in the U.S. military (if needed)
▪ serve (do important work for) the nation (if needed) ▪ be loyal to the United States

54.  How old do citizens have to be to vote for President? 


▪ eighteen (18) and older

55.  What are two ways that Americans can participate in their democracy? 


▪ vote
▪ join a political party
▪ help with a campaign
▪ join a civic group
▪ join a community group
▪ give an elected official your opinion on an issue ▪ call Senators and Representatives
▪ publicly support or oppose an issue or policy
▪ run for office
▪ write to a newspaper

56.  When is the last day you can send in federal income tax forms? 


▪ April 15

57.  When must all men register for the Selective Service? 


▪ at age eighteen (18)
▪ between eighteen (18) and twenty-six (26) 


AMERICAN HISTORY

A: Colonial Period and Independence

58.  What is one reason colonists came to America? 


▪ freedom
▪ political liberty
▪ religious freedom
▪ economic opportunity ▪ practice their religion ▪ escape persecution

59.  Who lived in America before the Europeans arrived? 


▪ American Indians ▪ Native Americans

60.  What group of people was taken to America and sold as slaves? 


▪ Africans
▪ people from Africa

61.  Why did the colonists fight the British? 


▪ because of high taxes (taxation without representation)
▪ because the British army stayed in their houses (boarding, quartering) ▪ because they didn’t have self-government

62.  Who wrote the Declaration of Independence? 


▪ (Thomas) Jefferson

63.  When was the Declaration of Independence adopted? 


▪ July 4, 1776

64.  There were 13 original states. Name three. 


▪ New Hampshire ▪ Massachusetts ▪ Rhode Island
▪ Connecticut 
▪ New York
▪ New Jersey
▪ Pennsylvania
▪ Delaware
▪ Maryland
▪ Virginia
▪ North Carolina ▪ South Carolina ▪ Georgia

65.  What happened at the Constitutional Convention? 


▪ The Constitution was written.
▪ The Founding Fathers wrote the Constitution.

66.  When was the Constitution written? 


▪ 1787

67.  The Federalist Papers supported the passage of the U.S. Constitution. Name one of the writers. 


▪ (James) Madison
▪ (Alexander) Hamilton ▪ (John) Jay
▪ Publius

68.  What is one thing Benjamin Franklin is famous for? 


▪ U.S. diplomat
▪ oldest member of the Constitutional Convention ▪ first Postmaster General of the United States
▪ writer of “Poor Richard’s Almanac”
▪ started the first free libraries

69.  Who is the “Father of Our Country”?


▪ (George) Washington

70.  Who was the first President? 


▪ (George) Washington

B: 1800s

71.  What territory did the United States buy from France in 1803?

▪ the Louisiana Territory ▪ Louisiana

72.  Name one war fought by the United States in the 1800s. 


▪ War of 1812
▪ Mexican-American War ▪ Civil War
▪ Spanish-American War

73.  Name the U.S. war between the North and the South. 


▪ the Civil War
▪ the War between the States

74.  Name one problem that led to the Civil War. 


▪ slavery
▪ economic reasons ▪ states’rights

75.  What was one important thing that Abraham Lincoln did? 


▪ freed the slaves (Emancipation Proclamation) ▪ saved (or preserved) the Union
▪ led the United States during the Civil War

76.  What did the Emancipation Proclamation do? 


▪ freed the slaves
▪ freed slaves in the Confederacy
▪ freed slaves in the Confederate states ▪ freed slaves in most Southern states

77.  What did Susan B. Anthony do? 


▪ fought for women’s rights ▪ fought for civil rights

C: Recent American History and Other Important Historical Information

78.  Name one war fought by the United States in the 1900s.

▪ World War I
▪ World War II
▪ Korean War
▪ Vietnam War
▪ (Persian) Gulf War

79.  Who was President during World War I? 


▪ (Woodrow) Wilson

80.  Who was President during the Great Depression and World War II? 


▪ (Franklin) Roosevelt

81.  Who did the United States fight in World War II? 


▪ Japan, Germany, and Italy

82.  Before he was President, Eisenhower was a general. What war was he in? 


▪ World War II

83.  During the Cold War, what was the main concern of the United States? 


▪ Communism

84.  What movement tried to end racial discrimination? 


▪ civil rights (movement)

85.  What did Martin Luther King, Jr. do? 


▪ fought for civil rights
▪ worked for equality for all Americans

86.  What major event happened on September 11, 2001, in the United States? 


▪ Terrorists attacked the United States.

87.  Name one American Indian tribe in the United States. 


[USCIS Officers will be supplied with a list of federally recognized American Indian tribes.] ▪ Cherokee
▪ Navajo
▪ Sioux ▪ Chippewa ▪ Choctaw ▪ Pueblo


▪ Apache ▪ Iroquois ▪ Creek
▪ Blackfeet ▪ Seminole ▪ Cheyenne ▪ Arawak ▪ Shawnee ▪ Mohegan ▪ Huron
▪ Oneida ▪ Lakota ▪ Crow ▪ Teton ▪ Hopi▪ Inuit

INTEGRATED CIVICS

A: Geography

88.  Name one of the two longest rivers in the United States. 


▪ Missouri (River)
▪ Mississippi (River)

89.  What ocean is on the West Coast of the United States? 


▪ Pacific (Ocean)

90.  What ocean is on the East Coast of the United States? 


▪ Atlantic (Ocean)

91.  Name one U.S. territory. 


▪ Puerto Rico
▪ U.S. Virgin Islands
▪ American Samoa
▪ Northern Mariana Islands ▪ Guam

92.  Name one state that borders Canada. 


▪ Maine
▪ New Hampshire ▪ Vermont
▪ New York
▪ Pennsylvania
▪ Ohio
▪ Michigan
▪ Minnesota
▪ North Dakota
▪ Montana
▪ Idaho
▪ Washington
▪ Alaska

93.  Name one state that borders Mexico. 


▪ California
▪ Arizona
▪ New Mexico ▪ Texas

94.  What is the capital of the United States? 


▪ Washington, D.C.

95.  Where is the Statue of Liberty? 


▪ New York (Harbor)
▪ Liberty Island
[Also acceptable are New Jersey, near New York City, and on the Hudson (River).]

B: Symbols

96.  Why does the flag have 13 stripes? 


▪ because there were 13 original colonies
▪ because the stripes represent the original colonies

97.  Why does the flag have 50 stars? 


▪ because there is one star for each state ▪ because each star represents a state
▪ because there are 50 states

98.  What is the name of the national anthem?

▪ The Star-Spangled Banner C: Holidays

99.  When do we celebrate Independence Day? 


▪ July 4   
100.  Name two national U.S. holidays. 


▪ New Year’s Day
▪ Martin Luther King, Jr. Day ▪ Presidents’Day
▪ Memorial Day
▪ Independence Day
▪ Labor Day
▪ Columbus Day
▪ Veterans Day
▪ Thanksgiving
▪ Christmas